The Audience - A Necessary Evil

I hate the audience.

Before you make any sudden decision about blocking my blog, let me clarify: I hate the audience members of our decade; the ones who have forgotten the difference between an auditorium, an art gallery and their bloody living room.

You might wonder where this rant has come from all of a sudden: frequently I attend press screenings where most of the time the only sound during the screening will be the sound of notes being scribbled, ditto some public screenings where only excited gasps will escape from the pursed lips of the audience. And then there’s the third type of screening: the experience equivalent of watching a film with the London Zoo.

Now dear man (or woman) – I understand that modern society has muddled your borders – the living room has become such a space that it can serve as cinema, as office, as bedroom , hell as toilet if you’re mad enough. An d when you’re home, I understand you’ll tweet every five seconds to your brain-dead mates , letting them know how the film is going – hell you might even use Facebook to get people to explain to you the plot points you might have missed or any characters which you can’t recognise ; cause let’s be serious here, any plot that requires thinking will be way beyond you.
And at home you’re fine, be an imbecile. As long as you’re in your space, I could not give a toss as to how you approach the viewing procedure.

But once you’re in my space, buddy, whoa! Hold it. because every time one of you morons ruins my film, my anger builds one extra level. And there’s only so many levels before I forcefully insert a Blackberry into your nostril so hard that your GPRS will forever be top-notch from having been welded into your synapses.

Seriously people, when did it become ok to forget that these places are public and what we’re watching is art and there needs to be some level of consideration for our fellow members? When did we lose our manners to what we consider our right to text or phone or tweet or update our Facebook status.

Two weeks ago in West India Quay Cineworld ,I would’ve murdered somewhere between 15 to 20 people. I got tired of shhh’in, complaining to the staff and yet I refused to leave – it was my right to be there, too. The reason for the noise was that the film was not what they expected – they failed to understand it so therefore their reaction was to disrupt the whole thing.

I despair, generally, at the level of idiocy we’re reaching as a society. The easier technology makes life for us, the less people feel pushed to use their brains. Can someone please change the rules, now, please, please?